Five lessons every foster carer needs to hear
Wednesday, February 19, 2025
Thinking about fostering? There’s no doubt it’s a rewarding experience – but not always easy!
Michelle, an experienced foster carer with 13 years under her belt, shares five lessons. These are the insights every new carer should know.
1. Fostering isn’t parenting
Think fostering is just like parenting your own kind? Think again. Michelle thought the same at first. But quickly realised she was wrong.
“Fostering is NOTHING like parenting your birth children. It’s not just ‘parenting plus’. It’s an entirely new mindset. I had to unlearn everything I thought I knew about raising kids,” Michelle explains.
The key? Therapeutic parenting. It’s not about controlling, fixing, or rushing to make things ‘better’. It’s about slowing down, meeting the child where they are. Understanding their unique journey.
2. The real lessons come from your mistakes (yes, you’ll make plenty)
No one likes to admit their mistakes. But when it comes to fostering, some of the best lessons come from failures. Michelle says, “I thought I had it figured out. I didn’t. And that was ok. Fostering is a learning curve that never stops.”
The truth is there are days when you feel like you’re failing. But those moments, when you make mistakes and learn from them, will shape you into the carer you need to be.
3. Self-care isn’t optional
Here’s the truth: if you’re not taking care of yourself, you’re going to burn out. Michelle was guilty of this early on.
“Self-care is not selfish, it’s survival. You can’t pour from an empty cup. And fostering will test your limits like nothing else. There will be hard days. When that happens, stop. Take a moment. Look how far you’ve come.”
When you keep your own wellbeing in check, you can keep showing up for the kids who need you.
4. Your community is your secret weapon
Michelle thought she had to do it all alone. Big mistake. One of the most powerful lessons was the value of a strong network.
“Get involved in your community. Support groups, coffee mornings or social events. These are goldmines of advice, support and encouragement. There’s a whole tribe of people who get it and you don’t have to do it alone.”
The friendships and wisdom you’ll gain from other carers will help you navigate the toughest days.
5. Forget perfection, focus on progress instead
Here’s the most important takeaway: Fostering isn’t about being perfect. It’s about showing up every day and making progress.
“You’ll never have it all together. And that’s OK. What matters is you’re doing your best, showing up and giving it your all.” Michelle shares.
The smallest acts of kindness, the little victories and the progress you see over time are what really count. And that’s what makes fostering the incredible life-changing experience that it is.
BONUS: Fostering is more than a job!
Michelle sums it up best: “Fostering is not for everyone. But for those of us who stick with it, there is no greater privilege.
In her 13 years of fostering, Michelle has witnessed extraordinary milestones, big and small. And met incredible carers along the way.
If you’re thinking about fostering, take a moment to reflect on these lessons. It’s not going to be easy. But if you’re ready to embrace the challenge, the rewards will be more than worth it.